Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize