i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
