Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
