wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
where are my eyebrows?
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