it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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