Your tits are I can't wait for
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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