The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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