ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
