WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
