You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
