Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize