There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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