don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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