god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
