Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
