i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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