I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
