I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
