He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
