She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
