The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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