i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
