I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
