david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
