Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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