what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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