No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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