1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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