I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
