Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
