there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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