Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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