I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
