I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
