went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
