Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Too much gin, very little bucket
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
