uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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