My first STD was from a foam party
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
