I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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