I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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