They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
