I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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