Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
