You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That accounts for only three of the penises
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
