Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
