there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
