I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
