Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
