Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
