I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
