Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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