I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
