Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
