i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
