i need an iv and a liver transplant
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
