Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
