He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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