We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
