There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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