The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
