ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
