then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
