Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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