Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Randomize
