why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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