one two three fourrrrnication!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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