Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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