The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
