My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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