THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
