dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i out mim tonsoeep
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