my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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