Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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