Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
