i barfeds in our rink
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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