How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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