just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
