i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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