in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
