She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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