You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
