I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
